[ there is only a brief delay before vanitas receives: ]
right outside
[ followed swiftly by a knock. as soon as vanitas opens the door, regardless of however long it takes him to do it, oushi steps in, crowding the smaller man's space. perhaps any other day, any other time, oushi might have let himself get caught up in what he is and isn't allowed, what unspoken lines there are to cross — but not this time, not with all that's been said and all that apparently still needs saying. he comes in close, one hand flying up to cradle the back of vanitas' head so he can hold him steady before crushing their lips together. oushi tries to summon up all the confidence and assuredness he could possibly muster in that moment, pouring it all out into that searing kiss.
and if words are still needed, he'll pull back just enough to stress, ]
I want to be here. I want to kiss you any chance I get.
[Reading back through the messages, he does end up feeling guilty for the way his words might have come across. Vanitas has only ever been good at saying the right thing whenever it's been to ragebait or manipulate, but in situations like this he always second guesses himself.
He's got his arm in one sleeve as he goes to the door, intending to find Oushi to apologize for--well, he doesn't know exactly what--he just wants to rid himself of the icky feelings he has after oversharing to that extent. It's not Oushi's fault that he--]
Why are you.. [He doesn't finish the question because he has lips on his, and it shuts him up so thoroughly that his brain pauses completely. There's nothing else in existence besides the two of them, and he can feel the emotion behind the kiss even without Oushi having to say anything, but he's glad that he does. A little more of this and he'd be able to stop feeling like he's brilliant about everything else, but entirely stupid when it comes to this.]
I think I like you more than I realized.. [His lips don't leave Oushi's even when he speaks, not willing to part from him. He kisses back like it's easier than breathing, at some point he must have grabbed Oushi because his fists are clutching around handfuls of the other's shirt.] It's making me crazy.
[ it's a mutual thing, this inexplicable desire to be close. to let this thing between them be all-consuming , and give into the desire to sink into the idea of them. does oushi even close the door behind him? he can't remember, unable to think far past the space between their lips each time they have to part to speak. ]
I'm sorry.
[ it's genuine, too. he gets it. vanitas must feel terrified, though he might never say, and the last thing oushi wants is to be a burden for someone he cares about.
carefully, he drops a kiss to the corner of vanitas' mouth, then his chin, his jaw, down his throat. because even though they've got important things to say, he can't stop himself from wanting to cover every inch of the other boy's skin with his lips. like each kiss could leave a mark, proving to vanitas he's there, he's real. ]
Having these feelings... it's troublesome for you, right?
[ he tugs aside vanitas' collar, finding the soft, hollow of his throat to suck a kiss over, tender but insistent. ]
[Maybe not fully okay. He'd likely need therapy for his self-loathing and insecurities that he'll never be willing to participate in but he does already feel lighter having gotten these things off his chest--particularly the part about liking Oushi to the extent that he does. Probably obvious to anyone but the two of them.
Another kiss near his lips distracts him from his thoughts, and he doesn't mind. They're going nowhere. Vanitas' eyes close for a moment, remembering to appreciate the warmth of Oushi's mouth and the sparks of pleasure that come from each point of contact near his neck. His breath catches, nodding in agreement to the words.]
Hate you? How can you make me hate you? [It's not possible, but he wants to hear Oushi's idea, even biting his lower lip to stop a moan from escaping as he releases his grip on the other's shirt. His hands drop to Oushi's forearms instead--even those are stronger than they used to be when they first met. He holds onto his wrists a moment, then finally finding his hands.]
[ it would be a unique form of hypocrisy if oushi were to hold vanitas' inexperience — or inability to properly express himself, or any other myriad of issues he might have that prevent him from being successful with relationships — against him in any way. oushi himself is not exactly well-equipped to navigate these treacherous waters, and he has far, far less reasons that would hold him back.
all he can do is promise to be patient, and considerate, and communicate as best as he can what's going on in his own head and heart and... well. he's working on that, okay?
he doesn't want to be a burden. he doesn't want whatever this is between them to be troublesome for vanitas in any way. but vanitas is still here, isn't he? oushi has to trust that at least means he wants to be. ]
I could ignore all your calls or texts.
[ is it counter-productive, making these suggestions? hopefully vanitas realizes he's only half-serious — that he would do it all in a heartbeat if that's what vanitas really wanted from him, but probably only under that condition. ]
I could avoid you every time we pass in the halls.
[ if it's not counter-productive, then it's at the very least counter-intuitive, because as he makes all of these suggestions he bookends his words with a kiss. one to vanitas' cheek, another to his mouth, one more at the corner of those lips, lower still to a jaw, then a throat, until he's buried his nose in the deep scent of vanitas' neck, his tongue swiping a slow circle against a pulse point. ]
I could make you feel so good, but not let you come.
[None of that would be enough to make Vanitas hate him, but he can feel himself getting gradually more upset by these hypotheticals that would certainly manage to piss him off at the very least. Even if he's not a fan of how it feels to care about someone this much, it's not like he wants it to stop. He'd rather accept the inconvenience of it if it means Oushi will keep kissing him.]
You wish you could ignore me, and you're delusional if you think you could avoid me if I wanted to find you.
[He complains, brows furrowed in annoyance at himself at least until Oushi's mouth falls on his throat again and all his malice melts away in an instant. Damn it. Vanitas draws away reluctantly to push the door shut with his foot, then backs Oushi up against it. His hands at either side of broader shoulders, threatening almost as his eyes narrow at that last one.]
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[ note: he absolutely cannot do that anymore. 😔 ]
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..Can you smell everyone or just me?
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it was only during the camping trip
and it was just you
i didn't bother looking for anyone else
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right outside
[ followed swiftly by a knock. as soon as vanitas opens the door, regardless of however long it takes him to do it, oushi steps in, crowding the smaller man's space. perhaps any other day, any other time, oushi might have let himself get caught up in what he is and isn't allowed, what unspoken lines there are to cross — but not this time, not with all that's been said and all that apparently still needs saying. he comes in close, one hand flying up to cradle the back of vanitas' head so he can hold him steady before crushing their lips together. oushi tries to summon up all the confidence and assuredness he could possibly muster in that moment, pouring it all out into that searing kiss.
and if words are still needed, he'll pull back just enough to stress, ]
I want to be here. I want to kiss you any chance I get.
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He's got his arm in one sleeve as he goes to the door, intending to find Oushi to apologize for--well, he doesn't know exactly what--he just wants to rid himself of the icky feelings he has after oversharing to that extent. It's not Oushi's fault that he--]
Why are you.. [He doesn't finish the question because he has lips on his, and it shuts him up so thoroughly that his brain pauses completely. There's nothing else in existence besides the two of them, and he can feel the emotion behind the kiss even without Oushi having to say anything, but he's glad that he does. A little more of this and he'd be able to stop feeling like he's brilliant about everything else, but entirely stupid when it comes to this.]
I think I like you more than I realized.. [His lips don't leave Oushi's even when he speaks, not willing to part from him. He kisses back like it's easier than breathing, at some point he must have grabbed Oushi because his fists are clutching around handfuls of the other's shirt.] It's making me crazy.
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I'm sorry.
[ it's genuine, too. he gets it. vanitas must feel terrified, though he might never say, and the last thing oushi wants is to be a burden for someone he cares about.
carefully, he drops a kiss to the corner of vanitas' mouth, then his chin, his jaw, down his throat. because even though they've got important things to say, he can't stop himself from wanting to cover every inch of the other boy's skin with his lips. like each kiss could leave a mark, proving to vanitas he's there, he's real. ]
Having these feelings... it's troublesome for you, right?
[ he tugs aside vanitas' collar, finding the soft, hollow of his throat to suck a kiss over, tender but insistent. ]
Should I make you hate me instead?
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[Maybe not fully okay. He'd likely need therapy for his self-loathing and insecurities that he'll never be willing to participate in but he does already feel lighter having gotten these things off his chest--particularly the part about liking Oushi to the extent that he does. Probably obvious to anyone but the two of them.
Another kiss near his lips distracts him from his thoughts, and he doesn't mind. They're going nowhere. Vanitas' eyes close for a moment, remembering to appreciate the warmth of Oushi's mouth and the sparks of pleasure that come from each point of contact near his neck. His breath catches, nodding in agreement to the words.]
Hate you? How can you make me hate you? [It's not possible, but he wants to hear Oushi's idea, even biting his lower lip to stop a moan from escaping as he releases his grip on the other's shirt. His hands drop to Oushi's forearms instead--even those are stronger than they used to be when they first met. He holds onto his wrists a moment, then finally finding his hands.]
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all he can do is promise to be patient, and considerate, and communicate as best as he can what's going on in his own head and heart and... well. he's working on that, okay?
he doesn't want to be a burden. he doesn't want whatever this is between them to be troublesome for vanitas in any way. but vanitas is still here, isn't he? oushi has to trust that at least means he wants to be. ]
I could ignore all your calls or texts.
[ is it counter-productive, making these suggestions? hopefully vanitas realizes he's only half-serious — that he would do it all in a heartbeat if that's what vanitas really wanted from him, but probably only under that condition. ]
I could avoid you every time we pass in the halls.
[ if it's not counter-productive, then it's at the very least counter-intuitive, because as he makes all of these suggestions he bookends his words with a kiss. one to vanitas' cheek, another to his mouth, one more at the corner of those lips, lower still to a jaw, then a throat, until he's buried his nose in the deep scent of vanitas' neck, his tongue swiping a slow circle against a pulse point. ]
I could make you feel so good, but not let you come.
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You wish you could ignore me, and you're delusional if you think you could avoid me if I wanted to find you.
[He complains, brows furrowed in annoyance at himself at least until Oushi's mouth falls on his throat again and all his malice melts away in an instant. Damn it. Vanitas draws away reluctantly to push the door shut with his foot, then backs Oushi up against it. His hands at either side of broader shoulders, threatening almost as his eyes narrow at that last one.]
You're playing with fire.