[ oushi looks up just in time to catch that half-second between that frown and that smile. it sticks to his brain like the burrs clinging to his pantlegs; silver's smiles had always felt particularly manufactured (perhaps not so much disingenuine as they are certainly emphasized for a purpose), but here in the darkness of the woods and the influence of the katalyth oushi can't help but find them particularly off-putting... just like everything else feels particularly off-putting.
he forces himself to sit down on a fallen tree, hands curling over his knees. hovering above his own dread is the distinct sense he's letting silver down, somehow. would it be a great shame to turn back around empty handed? ]
You feel it too, don't you?
[ there is something searching in his eyes. perhaps even a little desperate. he wonders how long silver can go on smiling through anything. ]
[ it is perhaps less theatre and more deliberate — not a falsehood but rather it is him, shifting through all of his emotions and choosing to emphasise those he feels are required in any particular situation. it is how he has lived his life; blending truth and lies seamlessly, molding himself to be whatever each moment, each person needs. (and so he had been, until flint had convinced him to give a damn about the men, and something had changed. now, there is a little more truth, a little less lie.)
which is why he takes the question seriously — because that is what oushi needs him to do, right now. ]
Of course I do. Like a persistent whisper, telling you to run and not turn back.
[ and yet, he finds that as long as they stick together, it is... not exactly easy, but certainly not quite so difficult to ignore that sense. ]
You can stay here. I will locate it, and we can leave. It won't be far.
[ there is a brief, breath of relief when silver confirms the unease settling beneath his skin. he thinks that's that, then. if they both feel this awful, then what reason is there to stick around? let alone go even further?
the whiplash from silver's determination to keep going nearly has oushi reeling back, off of his log. ]
Wait—
[ as hasty as he was to speak out again, he sure falls quiet pretty quickly after. back on his feet, hands fisted at his sides, he looks very much like he wants to argue the matter... and yet just can't quite seem to muster up the strength (the courage) to do so.
still, he doesn't let silver go, at least not yet. he works himself up to it, and though his voice doesn't retain the same kind of steadiness and volume as it had when he first called out, he at least gets the words out... and that ought to count for something, right? ]
If you really wanna go, I have to go with you.
[ i can't let you go alone.
his feet drag, his teeth grit. it's very clear he is fighting something innate to keep moving forward. ]
[ his brows furrow at the same time as he offers oushi a somewhat baffled smile — a reflex, more than anything, because the situation certainly gives very little to smile about. ]
You don't have to do anything. [ he shrugs, then, a casual movement as he lifts his hand, waves it a little towards where the trees grow closer together, where the air feels just a little more suffocating. ]
All this is... is my curiosity. [ he presses his lips together, purses them slightly, cants his head to the side. ] I want to see it for myself. If you don't, well, that's your decision.
[ there's something in oushi's eyes that looks as if he'd like to argue more fervently; but in the same second he seems to release it, as if there simply isn't any more room in his body for even more tension. ]
No, [ he agrees. he doesn't want to see, or experience any of this. however. however... ] But it's my choice to stick with you.
[ he shrugs, too, as if to say, so that's that. he wills his feet to move and fortunately they listen; soon enough he's trudging past silver to walk right past those cluster of trees. ]
[ and there he goes. silver hisses — a low sound, sharper than what his tongue against his teeth should be able to make — and then follows suit, his gait uneven. ]
Yes, alright, that is true. And I am grateful that you're coming with me, I really am... it's funny, isn't it? That this feels better when you're not doing it alone. I suppose the Patho-Gen weren't lying about that part.
[ don't mind him as he rambles, following after oushi. ]
[ the hissing draws oushi's immediate attention — perhaps a sound most would not have picked up on, amidst the cacophony of nature at night, but it carries and he catches it, forcing his head to snap back towards the other man with a look that borders between surprise and suspicion.
it's not a look he lets linger. or rather, not one he allows the other to see for too long. he's turning to face forward before too long, but there is a set in his shoulders that is too straight not to be anything but tense.
the hiss, for all that it might have been unintentional, unfortunately sets him on an edge he'd already been dancing towards. there is a bitter, coiling thing in his gut that tells him it's not safe to stay — an instinct that becomes at war with that strange sort of ease silver himself just speaks about. ]
Is it funny? [ he knows silver doesn't actually want to laugh about the situation. ] Feels fucked up to me.
[ he glances around; suddenly the sounds of the woods are too loud, too everywhere. ]
Doesn't it make you wonder how much of anything you feel is even real?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he forces himself to sit down on a fallen tree, hands curling over his knees. hovering above his own dread is the distinct sense he's letting silver down, somehow. would it be a great shame to turn back around empty handed? ]
You feel it too, don't you?
[ there is something searching in his eyes. perhaps even a little desperate. he wonders how long silver can go on smiling through anything. ]
It's gotta be here then, right?
no subject
which is why he takes the question seriously — because that is what oushi needs him to do, right now. ]
Of course I do. Like a persistent whisper, telling you to run and not turn back.
[ and yet, he finds that as long as they stick together, it is... not exactly easy, but certainly not quite so difficult to ignore that sense. ]
You can stay here. I will locate it, and we can leave. It won't be far.
no subject
the whiplash from silver's determination to keep going nearly has oushi reeling back, off of his log. ]
Wait—
[ as hasty as he was to speak out again, he sure falls quiet pretty quickly after. back on his feet, hands fisted at his sides, he looks very much like he wants to argue the matter... and yet just can't quite seem to muster up the strength (the courage) to do so.
still, he doesn't let silver go, at least not yet. he works himself up to it, and though his voice doesn't retain the same kind of steadiness and volume as it had when he first called out, he at least gets the words out... and that ought to count for something, right? ]
If you really wanna go, I have to go with you.
[ i can't let you go alone.
his feet drag, his teeth grit. it's very clear he is fighting something innate to keep moving forward. ]
no subject
[ his brows furrow at the same time as he offers oushi a somewhat baffled smile — a reflex, more than anything, because the situation certainly gives very little to smile about. ]
You don't have to do anything. [ he shrugs, then, a casual movement as he lifts his hand, waves it a little towards where the trees grow closer together, where the air feels just a little more suffocating. ]
All this is... is my curiosity. [ he presses his lips together, purses them slightly, cants his head to the side. ] I want to see it for myself. If you don't, well, that's your decision.
no subject
No, [ he agrees. he doesn't want to see, or experience any of this. however. however... ] But it's my choice to stick with you.
[ he shrugs, too, as if to say, so that's that. he wills his feet to move and fortunately they listen; soon enough he's trudging past silver to walk right past those cluster of trees. ]
no subject
Yes, alright, that is true. And I am grateful that you're coming with me, I really am... it's funny, isn't it? That this feels better when you're not doing it alone. I suppose the Patho-Gen weren't lying about that part.
[ don't mind him as he rambles, following after oushi. ]
no subject
it's not a look he lets linger. or rather, not one he allows the other to see for too long. he's turning to face forward before too long, but there is a set in his shoulders that is too straight not to be anything but tense.
the hiss, for all that it might have been unintentional, unfortunately sets him on an edge he'd already been dancing towards. there is a bitter, coiling thing in his gut that tells him it's not safe to stay — an instinct that becomes at war with that strange sort of ease silver himself just speaks about. ]
Is it funny? [ he knows silver doesn't actually want to laugh about the situation. ] Feels fucked up to me.
[ he glances around; suddenly the sounds of the woods are too loud, too everywhere. ]
Doesn't it make you wonder how much of anything you feel is even real?