[ being accosted by a patho-gen staff member is starting to feel pretty routine by now, though oushi isn't sure he likes how much he's more or less getting used to it.
(every now and then he feels like he should try a little harder to be — something. resistant? rebellious? there are enough people he's met who seem determined to make the best of things, yet more still who are barely suppressing their own rage and indignation, that oushi often finds himself caught in some vague in-between of nothing. apathy, he supposes. resignation. too often he finds himself thinking, well, what the hell can i do? and so he simply — doesn't.)
he doesn't put up much of a fight when someone drags him into a clinic by the side of the road. truthfully, he only really reacts (with a mild start) when his designated partner happens to be a familiar face. he thinks he ought to point that out, considering this is supposed to be randomized? maybe? but then they're being given a directive, and the very nature of it has him pausing long enough to actually consider his partner... and the unlikelihood of any of this being familiar to him. ]
...I'm guessing you never had a secret handshake as a kid.
( it's sort of depressing, when he thinks about it--so he's been trying not to think about it. the staff has been diligently checking in every few minutes, reassuring that they're looking for someone to pull in for the study; and he's been agreeing, with a lukewarm nod, when a few minutes becomes five, becomes ten, becomes fifteen. has everyone else in this place already partnered up, somehow, and he's the only one left alone? is he the only non-human in this place? certainly that can't be the case, but it feels like he's the dud at the bottom of a box of batteries, discarded and left here to rot. will he even get the money, if no one comes in? that's something he should ask, when the staff returns.
this time, however, it's not just the staff member that returns: it's someone that he knows, someone that he recognizes, and despite better judgement, he can feel the blood mark on his face start to twitch, bubbling just barely with embarrassment. it shouldn't matter: it shouldn't matter, and he tells himself it doesn't matter, but the last thing he wants is for oushi to think that he's just some loser that can't find a proper 'bond' or whatever it is.
why does that matter? who knows. maybe because they're 'friends', even if thinks that the reluctance he'd felt on the other end of the message had been a little too pointed.
he stands, from where he's seated on a very small loveseat: it feels like the right thing to do, gesturing with one open hand towards the cushions; there's no way they can both fit on it, which is likely by design, but he thinks it's better for oushi to sit instead of him. he forces his expression back into its gentle impassiveness. )
...I wasn't really ever a kid. ( this is said with some consternation, as though he has to think about it. ) But if it's something you would like to teach me, I would learn.
[ oushi had known that, in a theoretical sense. it wasn't as if his comment was meant to be taken literally anyway, but he's slowly coming to realize that's probably the only way choso knows how to take things. he rubs a hand along the back of his neck once, twice, as if to try and ingrain that tidbit a little bit better.
he does eventually take a seat, but all he does is perch on one of the armrests of the loveseat, anchoring himself so he is still more or less facing the other. choso is tall enough that oushi has to crane his head back a little even when he's standing, so he's hoping that by taking a seat the other will follow suit... and put them on slightly more even grounds. ]
It's not really something you teach... you just make one up. [ he shrugs, holding out his hands. ] You can shake hands, or bump fists, but usually what makes it "secret" is you add some extra move to it that only you and the other person would know.
[ it is... admittedly... one of the tamer things these patho-gen people can suggest when it comes to physical touch. oushi wonders if it means anything, but then he quickly tells himself he's better off not really questioning it. next thing he knows, he'll jinx himself. ]
( somewhat pointedly, it seems, oushi takes a seat on the armrest--and he considers that his own folly, for not directing him to sit somewhere more comfortable; his lips shift into a frown, but he doesn't say anything. the last thing he wants to do is nag him into submission. sparing a glance towards the door, as though trying to reassure himself that they won't be interrupted by the staff again, he lets out a breath.
carefully, he brings himself down to sit on the other armrest. his knees bend, shoes tucked in on the cushions; he knows, vaguely, that this is bad manners, but it seems that no one in this place adheres to japanese customs, and so in a bid to fit in, he's been trying, observing, moving along the way that other people do. )
A secret move... I understand.
( he stares down at oushi's hands for a moment, considering--and then rather than touch him, at first, he uses his own hands, bumping them together at the knuckles, fist to fist. )
So maybe we do this, and then... ( his pale fingers spread out again, and he snags his two index fingers together, hooked together like some kind of promise. ) ...maybe this? Is that secret enough?
[ the armrest had seemed to oushi the lesser of two evils. had he taken a seat on the loveseat itself, wouldn't it have left choso with no other option than to sit right beside him? that seemed an awkward thing to ask of the other man — then again, given the very nature of where they are and what's expected of him, sitting side-by-side in a tiny sofa is probably the least embarrassing thing they could be made to do...
ah well. hindsight is 20/20, etc. ]
Hey, yeah, that's a good one.
[ he's encouraging, at least. genuinely so, though maybe his surprise that choso would land on one so good so quickly is in itself something insulting... it's fine. ]
D'you wanna try it together now?
[ he holds his right hand out again, fingers already curled into a light fist. ]
( for what it's worth, that sort of confirmation makes his shoulders relax, like he's a flower that turns up towards the sunshine of appreciation; if he's being encouraged, then it means he's not doing anything wrong, and his expression shifts, eases, tries for a smile until he can feel his lips curling, and then stops himself. that's not the point, here. enjoying being praised by oushi is not the point. or is it? could that be considered bonding? not like he can ask the staff.
so instead, he steadies himself on the task at hand. his larger hand closes into a fist, mirroring, and he lets his arm push forward, bumping them knuckle to knuckle; when his fingers spread out, he doesn't wait to take oushi index finger to index finger, tugging--and then, rather than give up, he gives a harder, pointed tug, as though ready to topple him right into the loveseat cushions.
that smile on his face is actually catching, pleased with himself--and if oushi protests, then he'll just keep pulling with their hooked fingers, trying to unseat him onto the cushions proper. )
The secret move has a secret move.
( matter-of-fact, his eyes bright with pleasure despite the tired rings around them. )
[ THAT WAS ALARMINGLY SMOOTH??? it takes oushi almost a full minute to even conceptualize what had just transpired. honestly, he hadn't even realized he'd been drawing closer to the seat proper until he finds himself having to tilt his head up even more just to keep meeting choso's eyes — and the look in them had been distracting enough it took him a half-second later to even notice the shit-eating grin right beneath it.
all at once, it catches up to oushi. all at once, every available surface of skin seems to heat up and prickle. ]
W-We're both supposed to know about the secret!
[ the protest is a weak one, and even oushi knows it. ]
( it sounds a little lofty--a little pleased, smug, like he doesn't care if he's done something wrong, or broken some kind of human rule. as far as he's concerned, he's just proceeding the way that the experiment wants them to; he's just taking advantage of the situation.
which for now, means that oushi's on the loveseat, and he's stretching one leg out, balancing his heel against the floor so that he can dig his knee down into the cushions next to him. )
Do you want to hear about the next one? ( their hands are still linked, fingers still taut around each other, and his weight continues to shift, like he'll squeeze himself down to sit next to oushi even if they're half on top of each other or not. )
The next secret move. Or do you want to make one up yourself?
[ technically, technically, there aren't any rules here to break. this whole thing is premised by a concept so insane and chaotic that it stands to reason anything is fair game.
but oushi will still protest, as oushi is wont to do. though strangely (or perhaps, quite expectedly) the closer choso inches towards him, the more the younger man feels his natural inclinations to fuss start to — well. not fade, per se. more like quiet down some, as if lulled.
his voice too, goes a touch quieter. the words themselves their secret shared. ]
...You should tell me. [ somehow, oushi doesn't trust himself to try and conceive of one without doing something extremely stupid or bold or both. ] Give me some warning this time.
( he repeats it mildly, like it's not something he would have ever considered--or offered. )
If it's a warning, then you'll be able to get away.
( his weight shifts, slides, moves until his hips hit the cushions on the loveseat; his legs bend a little, crowding in against oushi, and given there's little room, he can't shift to give him any space. instead, one arm grips at the back of the loveseat, allowing him to pivot further in towards him; the other lets his fingers loosen, drawn away from oushi's hand in order to reach further for his elbow.
maybe that's the warning--or the encouragement, as he pushes firmly at oushi's arm, encouraging it to close the space between them, too. )
...You're not supposed to get away. ( the words feel warm, a deep rumble in his throat, oddly pleased. ) We haven't done the thing yet.
( 'the thing', which he's not going to clarify, apparently. )
[ let it be known: none of this was oushi's first choice. of course, if he had his way, he probably wouldn't have left the confines of his quaint quarters, but a sudden impulse to be outside and doing something had him venturing out further than he normally would have — which just so happened to coincide with one of patho-gen's scheduled forays into the woods. sure, he hadn't technically signed up for it (or any of this, if we want to be technical) but the more, the merrier, right?
of course, like everything else, they had to make sure he wouldn't be doing it alone. getting assigned with somebody he already knew was a stroke of luck he wouldn't have thought himself allowed considering all he's had to go through since waking here, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
that being said... they've been walking around for almost an hour now, with little else but sweaty backs to show for it. he had known, more or less, what to expect. even before stepping into the woods, he hadn't felt very good about it all, but the longer they're here, the deeper they get, oushi is having a hard time discerning where his own natural dread ended and where the katalyth's influence began.
then again, does it really matter?
and how is it, in a task that only requires its participants map an area out on foot, oushi still manages to be considerably more inadequate and underprepared than the guy who literally has one foot less than him?
they haven't technically found anything yet, but he stops dead in his tracks anyway. ]
This is far enough, [ he announces, perhaps not necessarily just for silver's sake. ] It should be enough.
[ by all metrics, the man with the missing leg should not be going out there, walking an hour in the woods, fighting not to stumble when the terrain gets uneven, when the roots of the trees seem to be trying to trip him up, specifically — and yet, the idea of not knowing what's out here, the idea of not knowing as much as he possibly can about everything... that's far, far worse than the pain he'll be in, later.
so here they are; and his neighbour is not bad company. he's used to his sharp edges by now, and the eye rolls and grumbling is actually pretty comfortable, reminds him of their near-nightly chats through the sheet-thin walls.
it's been an hour, and they haven't found a damn thing, and maybe silver should be countering the declaration with exactly that... but there's something in oushi's voice that gives him pause, makes his brows furrow for a moment.
then he smiles. ] Sure. I was getting pretty tired of walking around, anyway. You've seen one part of the forest, you've seen all of the forest.
[ oushi looks up just in time to catch that half-second between that frown and that smile. it sticks to his brain like the burrs clinging to his pantlegs; silver's smiles had always felt particularly manufactured (perhaps not so much disingenuine as they are certainly emphasized for a purpose), but here in the darkness of the woods and the influence of the katalyth oushi can't help but find them particularly off-putting... just like everything else feels particularly off-putting.
he forces himself to sit down on a fallen tree, hands curling over his knees. hovering above his own dread is the distinct sense he's letting silver down, somehow. would it be a great shame to turn back around empty handed? ]
You feel it too, don't you?
[ there is something searching in his eyes. perhaps even a little desperate. he wonders how long silver can go on smiling through anything. ]
[ it is perhaps less theatre and more deliberate — not a falsehood but rather it is him, shifting through all of his emotions and choosing to emphasise those he feels are required in any particular situation. it is how he has lived his life; blending truth and lies seamlessly, molding himself to be whatever each moment, each person needs. (and so he had been, until flint had convinced him to give a damn about the men, and something had changed. now, there is a little more truth, a little less lie.)
which is why he takes the question seriously — because that is what oushi needs him to do, right now. ]
Of course I do. Like a persistent whisper, telling you to run and not turn back.
[ and yet, he finds that as long as they stick together, it is... not exactly easy, but certainly not quite so difficult to ignore that sense. ]
You can stay here. I will locate it, and we can leave. It won't be far.
[ there is a brief, breath of relief when silver confirms the unease settling beneath his skin. he thinks that's that, then. if they both feel this awful, then what reason is there to stick around? let alone go even further?
the whiplash from silver's determination to keep going nearly has oushi reeling back, off of his log. ]
Wait—
[ as hasty as he was to speak out again, he sure falls quiet pretty quickly after. back on his feet, hands fisted at his sides, he looks very much like he wants to argue the matter... and yet just can't quite seem to muster up the strength (the courage) to do so.
still, he doesn't let silver go, at least not yet. he works himself up to it, and though his voice doesn't retain the same kind of steadiness and volume as it had when he first called out, he at least gets the words out... and that ought to count for something, right? ]
If you really wanna go, I have to go with you.
[ i can't let you go alone.
his feet drag, his teeth grit. it's very clear he is fighting something innate to keep moving forward. ]
[ his brows furrow at the same time as he offers oushi a somewhat baffled smile — a reflex, more than anything, because the situation certainly gives very little to smile about. ]
You don't have to do anything. [ he shrugs, then, a casual movement as he lifts his hand, waves it a little towards where the trees grow closer together, where the air feels just a little more suffocating. ]
All this is... is my curiosity. [ he presses his lips together, purses them slightly, cants his head to the side. ] I want to see it for myself. If you don't, well, that's your decision.
[ there's something in oushi's eyes that looks as if he'd like to argue more fervently; but in the same second he seems to release it, as if there simply isn't any more room in his body for even more tension. ]
No, [ he agrees. he doesn't want to see, or experience any of this. however. however... ] But it's my choice to stick with you.
[ he shrugs, too, as if to say, so that's that. he wills his feet to move and fortunately they listen; soon enough he's trudging past silver to walk right past those cluster of trees. ]
[ and there he goes. silver hisses — a low sound, sharper than what his tongue against his teeth should be able to make — and then follows suit, his gait uneven. ]
Yes, alright, that is true. And I am grateful that you're coming with me, I really am... it's funny, isn't it? That this feels better when you're not doing it alone. I suppose the Patho-Gen weren't lying about that part.
[ don't mind him as he rambles, following after oushi. ]
[ the hissing draws oushi's immediate attention — perhaps a sound most would not have picked up on, amidst the cacophony of nature at night, but it carries and he catches it, forcing his head to snap back towards the other man with a look that borders between surprise and suspicion.
it's not a look he lets linger. or rather, not one he allows the other to see for too long. he's turning to face forward before too long, but there is a set in his shoulders that is too straight not to be anything but tense.
the hiss, for all that it might have been unintentional, unfortunately sets him on an edge he'd already been dancing towards. there is a bitter, coiling thing in his gut that tells him it's not safe to stay — an instinct that becomes at war with that strange sort of ease silver himself just speaks about. ]
Is it funny? [ he knows silver doesn't actually want to laugh about the situation. ] Feels fucked up to me.
[ he glances around; suddenly the sounds of the woods are too loud, too everywhere. ]
Doesn't it make you wonder how much of anything you feel is even real?
[ he's not sure for how long he's been running. too long, it feels like, and yet his lungs aren't burning and his legs don't feel like they're at risk of falling off. running — running away — feels good, feels right. the further away from the woods he gets, the more he feels like the weight that'd been settling over his chest is lifting... and yet hanging over him is a cloud of doubt, knowing it wasn't just his worries and his fears he'd run away from.
...will silver be okay? how will he even face the man again, after this?
they were dreadful, but fleeting thoughts. the open air keeps replenishing his lungs, clearing his head. he feels like he could run for miles, for hours, and maybe he will—
he isn't paying attention enough. or rather, he notices in time, the sudden figure that steps out from the shadows and in his path, but his reflexes aren't quite up to par, and so instead he cannot stop himself in time before he runs right into that figure. but instead of a collision, it's more like he bounces off that solid body, forcing him back at least two feet and on the ground onto his back.
bewildered, he squints up at the figure, ready to be indignant, when recognition hits and he finds himself falling silent instead.
( well, since you asked for it, oushi doesn't actually manage to hit the ground. sylus has always had good reflexes, but since being here they're much, much faster. ( he can't say he minds that part, really. ) the collision happens and while it is a little surprising — after all, no one expects someone to be running full speed at them out of a forest — sylus manages to maintain his balance in spite of stumbling slightly and it seems like before he can tell his brain to send the signal to his hands, he's reaching for the other person. his hand wraps around an arm and he tugs as he steps forward to keep them both from falling; his other arm curls around their middle to keep them held close. even if it's only for a moment.
which, once sylus regains his bearings and looks down, he imagines that moment will be a fraction of a second and is already expecting a push or something a little more violent. his hold loosens on oushi, though he doesn't let go. something happened to make him run like this and sylus' eyes scan their surroundings to see if there's any imminent danger. can't see anything that might be chasing him, can't taste anything on the air. )
What happened?
( it's not fully concerned, but isn't demanding. protective, maybe? who knows. )
[ sylus is close — too close — for all of two seconds and yet it is enough that there is a small (but increasingly getting louder) part of oushi that flares up upon the contact. something far more primal that screams at him that he's in danger, somehow, but by the time the rest of his brain catches up to the feeling that hold around him loosens and he's able to stumble back to grant a foot or two of distance in between. cool night air fills up his lungs, allowing his head to clear, even if only a little. ]
Nothing.
[ the answer comes before sylus even finishes asking his question, because they both know the likelihood he tells the truth, at least right off the bat, is slim to none. his own eyes dart around, following sylus' look but in a far more frantic pace. his next comment, as always, comes from a place of wanting to turn his attention to anywhere else but in. ]
( of course he lets him put distance between them without fighting it. his gaze shifts to oushi for a moment, flickering over him from head to toe and back again and almost unconsciously his brow lifts in a slight arch. nothing, he says. sure, jan. sylus weighs the pros and cons of pushing right now — might be necessary if something's actually headed their way.
instead, he once again looks out over the surrounding area to see if he can catch a glimpse of something that might be moving, and slowly walks forward. he moves around oushi, acts like this is something so nonchalant and not that he's putting himself in front and closer to whatever boogyman might be out there. just in case. )
I could ask why you're alone, you know.
( but, he's not going to. he's already used to not getting anything from oushi and sylus isn't going to push right now. there's no point. emotional maturity can't be rushed. however, something is very clearly wrong and that doesn't sit right with sylus.
one last look around to check the area and he turns toward oushi again, gesturing to head back toward the city rather than deeper into the forest. )
Come on. ( he'll step closer and attempt to place his hand against oushi's back to urge him to keep walking, ) I'll walk you back.
[ the fact sylus barely has to be contrary, and already oushi feels his hackles raise in response. ]
I'm not — [ he pauses, briefly, and very nearly flinches at the reminder of his guilt. ] I wasn't...
[ he trails off, hanging his head low. one hand comes up to run over the short strands of his hair, but it's a distracted gesture, mostly an attempt to keep moving as he feels all that restless energy and anxiety begin to bubble up under his skin again. it keeps his gaze down, too, away from sylus' searching eyes.
fortunately, it seems the other man is far more concerned with surveying the area around them than oushi himself. something he's grateful for, and were it not for another rise of guilt he might have continued to let the man assume what he wants... but it's a waste of sylus' energy to keep being on the lookout for something that will, ostensibly, never come to them first. ]
...Those rocks they want us to find. [ he falls into step, subconsciously guided by the certainty in the other's voice, the hand falling just between his shoulder-blades. ] They're bad news. I'd stay away from them if you can.
( though sylus' expression remains neutral, his thoughts are moving a little too quickly. while he doesn't see the guilt that may linger on oushi's face, just the way he aborts his words is enough to lend to what happened. there's someone else out there alone. that's... not great. and sylus doesn't know what happened; it's entirely possible that oushi was ditched out there to fend for himself. which is... also not great.
and, unfortunately, sylus already knows asking for details will net him nothing. this guy likes to be annoyingly contrary. usually sylus doesn't mind that kind of thing. now is not one of them.
on the other hand, sylus isn't under any obligation to save anyone, so............... qu'est-ce que c'est la pointe?
so, sylus just keeps pace with oushi while remaining alert, just in case. but, that's really not much different from his usual. once he knows oushi isn't going to go darting back into the forest, he drops his hand back down to his side and hums a sounds of acknowledgement. )
[ oushi doesn't so much as laugh as he huffs out a few stuttered breaths. it sounds a little stilted, but there is genuine mirth there, because the frankness of sylus' statement coupled with its miserable truth is just the right cocktail of ludicrous that it makes everything leading up to this point feel so incredibly... stupid. all of this is so fucking stupid. ]
Yeah... Yeah, I guess so.
[ his mouth splits into a strained grin. it's funny, in the way that it's absolutely, and his body seems uncertain which inappropriate reaction it wants to give into: boisterous laughter or uncontrollable tears. he finds his vision blur as he stares down at their walking feet and he half-fears he'll actually end up doing both — but after a few measured breaths, he winds up doing neither. it's both a relief and awfully unfulfilling. ]
You probably wouldn't be stupid enough to go looking on purpose anyway.
( it is stupid. this whole place is stupid. but, they all have to make do with the hand they've been dealt. until more information becomes available, things are going to be really annoying and really stupid. sylus is determined to make sure he comes out of this on top.
or something.
he glances back over his shoulder, knowing nothing is there but feeling the need to check all the same. he drags his tongue over his lip, but tastes nothing predatory on the air. they're fine, he knows it. yet oushi is still rattled over whatever happened and while sylus isn't overtly comforting he is feeling something. something he can't pinpoint but is definitely going to ignore. that seems like the best course of action and has gotten him by his whole life.
so, he takes a breath and lifts a hand to rub his chin and gives a thoughtful hum. )
I want answers. Sometimes the wisest action isn't always that.
[ not that... he envisions himself as the sort of person to go and actually do something with that information. no no, that kind of proactive go-getter attitude is much more suited to people like sylus, who are strong and capable and not riddled with self-doubt and indecision. but even if he can't quite see himself doing anything with the information, oushi feels like he would still like to know. one of the more frustrating things about all this is how much they're left in the dark about everything.
speaking of being in the dark.
as they walk, the terrain itself isn't the more stable. it's no forest floor, but the open grassy area right outside of valentia is still a little uneven, and oushi finds himself having to squint really hard in the faint evening light to make out what isn't immediately in front of him. ]
—watch out!
[ he flings an arm out, likely to slam right into sylus' sternum if the other man didn't stop fast enough. he tenses, peering desperately into the dark at what had (at the time) seemed like some kidn of projectile launching itself towards them...
but only a second after his shout, that murky shadow lands right before their feet and. it's a fucking toad. big, bulbous eyes look up at oushi, mocking, and then it hop hop hops away, uninterested.
( sylus does stop, but perhaps not fast enough. oushi's arm manages to bump into him as sylus is mid-step, already alert for whatever might be headed to them. how didn't he notice? how did he miss it? he upturns his head, lips slightly parted on a breath, but doesn't sense anything. hell, he doesn't even see anything until—
ah.
sylus makes eye contact with the toad and some measure of understanding passes between them before the toad hops along on its merry way. at first, he says nothing, just stands completely still. then, he inhales a slightly audible breath through his nose and exhales a soft chuckle. )
[ it looked like it was something else, okay!!! ears and face burning, oushi redoubles his efforts to get back into the dorms, quickening his pace the point he might as well have been jogging. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
choso.
[ being accosted by a patho-gen staff member is starting to feel pretty routine by now, though oushi isn't sure he likes how much he's more or less getting used to it.
(every now and then he feels like he should try a little harder to be — something. resistant? rebellious? there are enough people he's met who seem determined to make the best of things, yet more still who are barely suppressing their own rage and indignation, that oushi often finds himself caught in some vague in-between of nothing. apathy, he supposes. resignation. too often he finds himself thinking, well, what the hell can i do? and so he simply — doesn't.)
he doesn't put up much of a fight when someone drags him into a clinic by the side of the road. truthfully, he only really reacts (with a mild start) when his designated partner happens to be a familiar face. he thinks he ought to point that out, considering this is supposed to be randomized? maybe? but then they're being given a directive, and the very nature of it has him pausing long enough to actually consider his partner... and the unlikelihood of any of this being familiar to him. ]
...I'm guessing you never had a secret handshake as a kid.
no subject
this time, however, it's not just the staff member that returns: it's someone that he knows, someone that he recognizes, and despite better judgement, he can feel the blood mark on his face start to twitch, bubbling just barely with embarrassment. it shouldn't matter: it shouldn't matter, and he tells himself it doesn't matter, but the last thing he wants is for oushi to think that he's just some loser that can't find a proper 'bond' or whatever it is.
why does that matter? who knows. maybe because they're 'friends', even if thinks that the reluctance he'd felt on the other end of the message had been a little too pointed.
he stands, from where he's seated on a very small loveseat: it feels like the right thing to do, gesturing with one open hand towards the cushions; there's no way they can both fit on it, which is likely by design, but he thinks it's better for oushi to sit instead of him. he forces his expression back into its gentle impassiveness. )
...I wasn't really ever a kid. ( this is said with some consternation, as though he has to think about it. ) But if it's something you would like to teach me, I would learn.
no subject
[ oushi had known that, in a theoretical sense. it wasn't as if his comment was meant to be taken literally anyway, but he's slowly coming to realize that's probably the only way choso knows how to take things. he rubs a hand along the back of his neck once, twice, as if to try and ingrain that tidbit a little bit better.
he does eventually take a seat, but all he does is perch on one of the armrests of the loveseat, anchoring himself so he is still more or less facing the other. choso is tall enough that oushi has to crane his head back a little even when he's standing, so he's hoping that by taking a seat the other will follow suit... and put them on slightly more even grounds. ]
It's not really something you teach... you just make one up. [ he shrugs, holding out his hands. ] You can shake hands, or bump fists, but usually what makes it "secret" is you add some extra move to it that only you and the other person would know.
[ it is... admittedly... one of the tamer things these patho-gen people can suggest when it comes to physical touch. oushi wonders if it means anything, but then he quickly tells himself he's better off not really questioning it. next thing he knows, he'll jinx himself. ]
no subject
carefully, he brings himself down to sit on the other armrest. his knees bend, shoes tucked in on the cushions; he knows, vaguely, that this is bad manners, but it seems that no one in this place adheres to japanese customs, and so in a bid to fit in, he's been trying, observing, moving along the way that other people do. )
A secret move... I understand.
( he stares down at oushi's hands for a moment, considering--and then rather than touch him, at first, he uses his own hands, bumping them together at the knuckles, fist to fist. )
So maybe we do this, and then... ( his pale fingers spread out again, and he snags his two index fingers together, hooked together like some kind of promise. ) ...maybe this? Is that secret enough?
no subject
ah well. hindsight is 20/20, etc. ]
Hey, yeah, that's a good one.
[ he's encouraging, at least. genuinely so, though maybe his surprise that choso would land on one so good so quickly is in itself something insulting... it's fine. ]
D'you wanna try it together now?
[ he holds his right hand out again, fingers already curled into a light fist. ]
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so instead, he steadies himself on the task at hand. his larger hand closes into a fist, mirroring, and he lets his arm push forward, bumping them knuckle to knuckle; when his fingers spread out, he doesn't wait to take oushi index finger to index finger, tugging--and then, rather than give up, he gives a harder, pointed tug, as though ready to topple him right into the loveseat cushions.
that smile on his face is actually catching, pleased with himself--and if oushi protests, then he'll just keep pulling with their hooked fingers, trying to unseat him onto the cushions proper. )
The secret move has a secret move.
( matter-of-fact, his eyes bright with pleasure despite the tired rings around them. )
1/2
2/2
all at once, it catches up to oushi. all at once, every available surface of skin seems to heat up and prickle. ]
W-We're both supposed to know about the secret!
[ the protest is a weak one, and even oushi knows it. ]
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( it sounds a little lofty--a little pleased, smug, like he doesn't care if he's done something wrong, or broken some kind of human rule. as far as he's concerned, he's just proceeding the way that the experiment wants them to; he's just taking advantage of the situation.
which for now, means that oushi's on the loveseat, and he's stretching one leg out, balancing his heel against the floor so that he can dig his knee down into the cushions next to him. )
Do you want to hear about the next one? ( their hands are still linked, fingers still taut around each other, and his weight continues to shift, like he'll squeeze himself down to sit next to oushi even if they're half on top of each other or not. )
The next secret move. Or do you want to make one up yourself?
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but oushi will still protest, as oushi is wont to do. though strangely (or perhaps, quite expectedly) the closer choso inches towards him, the more the younger man feels his natural inclinations to fuss start to — well. not fade, per se. more like quiet down some, as if lulled.
his voice too, goes a touch quieter. the words themselves their secret shared. ]
...You should tell me. [ somehow, oushi doesn't trust himself to try and conceive of one without doing something extremely stupid or bold or both. ] Give me some warning this time.
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( he repeats it mildly, like it's not something he would have ever considered--or offered. )
If it's a warning, then you'll be able to get away.
( his weight shifts, slides, moves until his hips hit the cushions on the loveseat; his legs bend a little, crowding in against oushi, and given there's little room, he can't shift to give him any space. instead, one arm grips at the back of the loveseat, allowing him to pivot further in towards him; the other lets his fingers loosen, drawn away from oushi's hand in order to reach further for his elbow.
maybe that's the warning--or the encouragement, as he pushes firmly at oushi's arm, encouraging it to close the space between them, too. )
...You're not supposed to get away. ( the words feel warm, a deep rumble in his throat, oddly pleased. ) We haven't done the thing yet.
( 'the thing', which he's not going to clarify, apparently. )
silver.
[ let it be known: none of this was oushi's first choice. of course, if he had his way, he probably wouldn't have left the confines of his quaint quarters, but a sudden impulse to be outside and doing something had him venturing out further than he normally would have — which just so happened to coincide with one of patho-gen's scheduled forays into the woods. sure, he hadn't technically signed up for it (or any of this, if we want to be technical) but the more, the merrier, right?
of course, like everything else, they had to make sure he wouldn't be doing it alone. getting assigned with somebody he already knew was a stroke of luck he wouldn't have thought himself allowed considering all he's had to go through since waking here, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
that being said... they've been walking around for almost an hour now, with little else but sweaty backs to show for it. he had known, more or less, what to expect. even before stepping into the woods, he hadn't felt very good about it all, but the longer they're here, the deeper they get, oushi is having a hard time discerning where his own natural dread ended and where the katalyth's influence began.
then again, does it really matter?
and how is it, in a task that only requires its participants map an area out on foot, oushi still manages to be considerably more inadequate and underprepared than the guy who literally has one foot less than him?
they haven't technically found anything yet, but he stops dead in his tracks anyway. ]
This is far enough, [ he announces, perhaps not necessarily just for silver's sake. ] It should be enough.
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so here they are; and his neighbour is not bad company. he's used to his sharp edges by now, and the eye rolls and grumbling is actually pretty comfortable, reminds him of their near-nightly chats through the sheet-thin walls.
it's been an hour, and they haven't found a damn thing, and maybe silver should be countering the declaration with exactly that... but there's something in oushi's voice that gives him pause, makes his brows furrow for a moment.
then he smiles. ] Sure. I was getting pretty tired of walking around, anyway. You've seen one part of the forest, you've seen all of the forest.
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he forces himself to sit down on a fallen tree, hands curling over his knees. hovering above his own dread is the distinct sense he's letting silver down, somehow. would it be a great shame to turn back around empty handed? ]
You feel it too, don't you?
[ there is something searching in his eyes. perhaps even a little desperate. he wonders how long silver can go on smiling through anything. ]
It's gotta be here then, right?
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which is why he takes the question seriously — because that is what oushi needs him to do, right now. ]
Of course I do. Like a persistent whisper, telling you to run and not turn back.
[ and yet, he finds that as long as they stick together, it is... not exactly easy, but certainly not quite so difficult to ignore that sense. ]
You can stay here. I will locate it, and we can leave. It won't be far.
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the whiplash from silver's determination to keep going nearly has oushi reeling back, off of his log. ]
Wait—
[ as hasty as he was to speak out again, he sure falls quiet pretty quickly after. back on his feet, hands fisted at his sides, he looks very much like he wants to argue the matter... and yet just can't quite seem to muster up the strength (the courage) to do so.
still, he doesn't let silver go, at least not yet. he works himself up to it, and though his voice doesn't retain the same kind of steadiness and volume as it had when he first called out, he at least gets the words out... and that ought to count for something, right? ]
If you really wanna go, I have to go with you.
[ i can't let you go alone.
his feet drag, his teeth grit. it's very clear he is fighting something innate to keep moving forward. ]
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[ his brows furrow at the same time as he offers oushi a somewhat baffled smile — a reflex, more than anything, because the situation certainly gives very little to smile about. ]
You don't have to do anything. [ he shrugs, then, a casual movement as he lifts his hand, waves it a little towards where the trees grow closer together, where the air feels just a little more suffocating. ]
All this is... is my curiosity. [ he presses his lips together, purses them slightly, cants his head to the side. ] I want to see it for myself. If you don't, well, that's your decision.
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No, [ he agrees. he doesn't want to see, or experience any of this. however. however... ] But it's my choice to stick with you.
[ he shrugs, too, as if to say, so that's that. he wills his feet to move and fortunately they listen; soon enough he's trudging past silver to walk right past those cluster of trees. ]
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Yes, alright, that is true. And I am grateful that you're coming with me, I really am... it's funny, isn't it? That this feels better when you're not doing it alone. I suppose the Patho-Gen weren't lying about that part.
[ don't mind him as he rambles, following after oushi. ]
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it's not a look he lets linger. or rather, not one he allows the other to see for too long. he's turning to face forward before too long, but there is a set in his shoulders that is too straight not to be anything but tense.
the hiss, for all that it might have been unintentional, unfortunately sets him on an edge he'd already been dancing towards. there is a bitter, coiling thing in his gut that tells him it's not safe to stay — an instinct that becomes at war with that strange sort of ease silver himself just speaks about. ]
Is it funny? [ he knows silver doesn't actually want to laugh about the situation. ] Feels fucked up to me.
[ he glances around; suddenly the sounds of the woods are too loud, too everywhere. ]
Doesn't it make you wonder how much of anything you feel is even real?
sylus.
[ he's not sure for how long he's been running. too long, it feels like, and yet his lungs aren't burning and his legs don't feel like they're at risk of falling off. running — running away — feels good, feels right. the further away from the woods he gets, the more he feels like the weight that'd been settling over his chest is lifting... and yet hanging over him is a cloud of doubt, knowing it wasn't just his worries and his fears he'd run away from.
...will silver be okay? how will he even face the man again, after this?
they were dreadful, but fleeting thoughts. the open air keeps replenishing his lungs, clearing his head. he feels like he could run for miles, for hours, and maybe he will—
he isn't paying attention enough. or rather, he notices in time, the sudden figure that steps out from the shadows and in his path, but his reflexes aren't quite up to par, and so instead he cannot stop himself in time before he runs right into that figure. but instead of a collision, it's more like he bounces off that solid body, forcing him back at least two feet and on the ground onto his back.
bewildered, he squints up at the figure, ready to be indignant, when recognition hits and he finds himself falling silent instead.
what the hell. why'd it have to be this guy? ]
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which, once sylus regains his bearings and looks down, he imagines that moment will be a fraction of a second and is already expecting a push or something a little more violent. his hold loosens on oushi, though he doesn't let go. something happened to make him run like this and sylus' eyes scan their surroundings to see if there's any imminent danger. can't see anything that might be chasing him, can't taste anything on the air. )
What happened?
( it's not fully concerned, but isn't demanding. protective, maybe? who knows. )
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Nothing.
[ the answer comes before sylus even finishes asking his question, because they both know the likelihood he tells the truth, at least right off the bat, is slim to none. his own eyes dart around, following sylus' look but in a far more frantic pace. his next comment, as always, comes from a place of wanting to turn his attention to anywhere else but in. ]
You're not supposed to be outside alone.
[ says the man outside alone. ]
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instead, he once again looks out over the surrounding area to see if he can catch a glimpse of something that might be moving, and slowly walks forward. he moves around oushi, acts like this is something so nonchalant and not that he's putting himself in front and closer to whatever boogyman might be out there. just in case. )
I could ask why you're alone, you know.
( but, he's not going to. he's already used to not getting anything from oushi and sylus isn't going to push right now. there's no point. emotional maturity can't be rushed. however, something is very clearly wrong and that doesn't sit right with sylus.
one last look around to check the area and he turns toward oushi again, gesturing to head back toward the city rather than deeper into the forest. )
Come on. ( he'll step closer and attempt to place his hand against oushi's back to urge him to keep walking, ) I'll walk you back.
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I'm not — [ he pauses, briefly, and very nearly flinches at the reminder of his guilt. ] I wasn't...
[ he trails off, hanging his head low. one hand comes up to run over the short strands of his hair, but it's a distracted gesture, mostly an attempt to keep moving as he feels all that restless energy and anxiety begin to bubble up under his skin again. it keeps his gaze down, too, away from sylus' searching eyes.
fortunately, it seems the other man is far more concerned with surveying the area around them than oushi himself. something he's grateful for, and were it not for another rise of guilt he might have continued to let the man assume what he wants... but it's a waste of sylus' energy to keep being on the lookout for something that will, ostensibly, never come to them first. ]
...Those rocks they want us to find. [ he falls into step, subconsciously guided by the certainty in the other's voice, the hand falling just between his shoulder-blades. ] They're bad news. I'd stay away from them if you can.
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and, unfortunately, sylus already knows asking for details will net him nothing. this guy likes to be annoyingly contrary. usually sylus doesn't mind that kind of thing. now is not one of them.
on the other hand, sylus isn't under any obligation to save anyone, so............... qu'est-ce que c'est la pointe?
so, sylus just keeps pace with oushi while remaining alert, just in case. but, that's really not much different from his usual. once he knows oushi isn't going to go darting back into the forest, he drops his hand back down to his side and hums a sounds of acknowledgement. )
I'm aware. What about here is good news?
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Yeah... Yeah, I guess so.
[ his mouth splits into a strained grin. it's funny, in the way that it's absolutely, and his body seems uncertain which inappropriate reaction it wants to give into: boisterous laughter or uncontrollable tears. he finds his vision blur as he stares down at their walking feet and he half-fears he'll actually end up doing both — but after a few measured breaths, he winds up doing neither. it's both a relief and awfully unfulfilling. ]
You probably wouldn't be stupid enough to go looking on purpose anyway.
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or something.
he glances back over his shoulder, knowing nothing is there but feeling the need to check all the same. he drags his tongue over his lip, but tastes nothing predatory on the air. they're fine, he knows it. yet oushi is still rattled over whatever happened and while sylus isn't overtly comforting he is feeling something. something he can't pinpoint but is definitely going to ignore. that seems like the best course of action and has gotten him by his whole life.
so, he takes a breath and lifts a hand to rub his chin and gives a thoughtful hum. )
I want answers. Sometimes the wisest action isn't always that.
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[ not that... he envisions himself as the sort of person to go and actually do something with that information. no no, that kind of proactive go-getter attitude is much more suited to people like sylus, who are strong and capable and not riddled with self-doubt and indecision. but even if he can't quite see himself doing anything with the information, oushi feels like he would still like to know. one of the more frustrating things about all this is how much they're left in the dark about everything.
speaking of being in the dark.
as they walk, the terrain itself isn't the more stable. it's no forest floor, but the open grassy area right outside of valentia is still a little uneven, and oushi finds himself having to squint really hard in the faint evening light to make out what isn't immediately in front of him. ]
—watch out!
[ he flings an arm out, likely to slam right into sylus' sternum if the other man didn't stop fast enough. he tenses, peering desperately into the dark at what had (at the time) seemed like some kidn of projectile launching itself towards them...
but only a second after his shout, that murky shadow lands right before their feet and. it's a fucking toad. big, bulbous eyes look up at oushi, mocking, and then it hop hop hops away, uninterested.
slowly, oushi lowers his arm. ]
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ah.
sylus makes eye contact with the toad and some measure of understanding passes between them before the toad hops along on its merry way. at first, he says nothing, just stands completely still. then, he inhales a slightly audible breath through his nose and exhales a soft chuckle. )
Afraid of amphibians?
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Shut up.
[ it looked like it was something else, okay!!! ears and face burning, oushi redoubles his efforts to get back into the dorms, quickening his pace the point he might as well have been jogging. ]